President Bush announced that authorities raided a Texas charity because information showed that the charity was actually a front for the Palestinian militant group Hamas. Now you might be wondering how our government was able to tell that this charity was not "kosher." Well to find out more you'll have to read on, dag nab it!
President Bush announced that the Treasury Department has frozen the assets of a "charity" called the Holy Land Foundation, based in Richardson, Texas. The group raised $13 million just from Americans last year. This Holy Land Foundation had offices in Texas, California, and New Jersey (isn't living in New Jersey terrifying
enough? We've all heard of "The Sopranos.") and Illinois.
The Tresury Department also blocked the accounts of a bank and holding company with ties to the terrorist group Hamas that are based in the West Bank.
You may wonder how the United States government found out about the Holy Land Foundation. Well they had a 5'2" balding auditor from the firm of "Me, Myself, and I" do an audit, and what he found was staggering. He found that most women rather date a man that's at least six feet tall and answers to the name of Sven. But he found out something that is much more important to the rest of our country. It was obvious to him within a matter of seconds that not only is he short, but that the money that this charity was collecting was being used in some very strange, very evil ways. We hope this auditor, who wants to remain annonomous because that's how he's been his whole life, is rewarded handsomely. Platform shoes and a toupee would be a good start.
Anyway, here's just some of the things our hero found out:
1. Ten thousand dollars went to make exploding
bedpans shipped to the Northern Alliance.
2. Twenty thousand dollars was going to a
manufacturer that produced turbins that came
with gun racks.
3 Thirty thousand dollars used to make
toilet tissue made of fly paper that was sent
to every United States military installation.
4. Two thousand dollars to endorse a contest
called, "Win A Date With A Member of the Taliban."
5. One thousand dollars to produce stainless
steel Osama bin Laden smiley-face buttons.
Next time you get a chance, kiss an auditor. They're more than just pencils and calculators.